Michael Moore

If Karl Marx's Fry-Daddy could talk, it would sound like Michael Moore. The director of "Roger & Me" and "Bowling for Columbine" is the epitome of frumpy, guilt-ridden white liberalism. Moore is Phil Donohue after a glue-sniffing binge and a summer at "Noam Chomsky's Kommie Kidz Kamp."

Quote: "Al Gore is the elected President of the United States."

Anti-quote: Al thinks so too, which is why he was spotted in his breakfast nook delivering a "State of the Union" speech to a bowl of Cocoa Puffs.

Pluses: Sticks to his positions even under intense criticism from rational people. The only thing Moore's ever compromised is the architectural integrity of the stage he's on.

Minuses: Wherever you see him, you assume it's the bus stop. Condescension to white people is overshadowed only by his condescension to minorities.

Rating: If you don't think, Moore's arguments may sound logical. Joe McCarthy would have had night sweats over this one. "S" = High

Fun fact: Once sustained bruises and abrasions after swinging so far to the left that he crashed into John Birch, who was swinging too far to the right.

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