Ted Danson

Danson gained political activist fame by telling us that if we didn't start taking the bus to work, get cows to stop breaking wind, stop getting drunk and driving oil tankers, and make our kids stop peeing in the Atlantic while swimming, the oceans would disappear in 10 years. That was 15 years ago. We're still driving, cows are still farting, oil is still spilling, kids are still whizzing, and the oceans are still there. As a soothsayer, Ted makes even Miss Cleo look reputable. Ted and wife Mary Steenbergen later put their buddies the Clinton's under some scrutiny after giving them $4,800 worth of china for their Chappequa house, and this even after the Clinton's had ransacked the White House and taken that china. That's like putting cash in Willie Sutton's birthday card... probably not necessary.

Quote: "By signing the BEACH bill, President Clinton is helping to ensure that future trips to the beach will be healthy ones for millions of Americans."

Anti-quote: I wonder if they caught where Clinton wrote in the part about mandatory toplessness for "hot chicks".

Pluses: Good comedic timing as an actor. Shed the hairpiece.

Minuses: Dated Whoopi Goldberg, who looks like I feel. Showed up at a Friar's Club roast in black face. If James Woods or Mel Gibson did that, Danson and his pals wouldn't let them back in California, which they wouldn't really mind, since the oceans will soon be gone. Right, Ted?

Rating: Surfers like him, but that seems about it. I do hope Danson's able to save the oceans, because the last thing this country needs is a bunch of ne'er dowell bleach blonde dumbass surfer dudes coming ashore. "S" = low-medium

Fun fact: Danson has purchases over a dozen cans of black shoe polish, and used none of it on his shoes.

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